Here’s a confession: in real life, I’m notoriously unsocial. I can’t be guilt-tripped, wheedled, or coerced into attending funerals, weddings, parties, or anything else remotely social — unless I really, really like you. There are maybe five people in the world whose social events I would willingly attend. Oddly enough, my antisocial tendencies have led to most of my ‘green’ traits. Because I’m not a huge fan of humans,
- I feel a lot of empathy for animals and thus am a vegetarian
- I feel really bad for the species we’re wiping out and thus am an environmentalist (what, did you think I was in it for the people?)
- I don’t like humans enough to want kids
- I don’t like most humans enough to shop for, party with, or travel to see them.
See? It’s actually pretty easy to be green if you don’t like human interaction. Maybe this blog should be titled ‘The Green Misanthrope.’ Anyway, the point is, I’m constantly seeing articles about low impact versions of things that, in my mind, are totally unnecessary to start with. Like weddings. Sure, you can go for the local organic flowers, biodegradable dress, and fair trade diamond. But you know what? Kevin and I carpooled to the county courthouse in his fuel efficient Honda Civic. There was no dress, no flowers, no out of town guests, no DJ, no photographers, no napkins, no diamonds, no registries. The only way it could have been greener is if we walked to the courthouse.
The same thing goes for any sort of big social celebration. I just don’t get parties. While other environmentalists are scrambling to get electric grills, grass-fed beef, recycled napkins, and all natural charcoal for this 4th of July, I’m kicking back at home and chomping salad in pure, unpatriotic — yet undeniably low impact — unsociability. Score.